Dear Blogger Friends,
Back in the winter/spring season of this past year the verse that most clearly spoke to my heart was Proverbs 13:12, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Mostly and especially the first part. All my hope was gone. What little was left would literally make my stomach turn as I tried to cling to it. It was just that I believed the Lord had spoken so many things to me of what was to come as I entered into my new career and left behind a life in Evansville to begin a new chapter of my life. Yet, after 2+ years I found myself getting farther and farther from those hopes and visions and getting more and more depressed and afraid that my life would never amount to anything more than what it had become, which I did not like at all. My heart was sick and it was literally making the rest of my body sick as well.
Now I find myself in a time in which I believe God is speaking to me of things to hope for once again. But, I ask you...Have you ever been afraid to hope for things because of past hopes deferred? Or is it just me? I can't seem to bring myself to fully believe what the Lord is speaking to me....and there is A LOT right now....for fear I'll get my hopes up for something again and be left with a sick heart. I don't know if I'm afraid I'm not really hearing Him or if I'm afraid that I am but that I have/will screw up the plans He has and be left to wander in a desert such as I am/have forever.
Have any of you ever been in this place? If so, what did you do? What should I do? Because I know this is not God's plan for our lives and it is a dreadful feeling that looms over me continually these days. I get hopeful at moments but then, almost consciously, talk myself out of putting too much stock in those hopes.
Any input?
Hopelessly Hopeful to be Hopeful in Bloomfield, IN
(Ha! Ha! I did that because I felt like I was writing to a newspaper columnist!)
3 comments:
Dear Hopelessly Hopeful,
Yeah, I go the newspaper thing. Cute :)
I'll pray for you--that you would be able to recklessly trust God and hope in His promises for you. God's plans for your life are bigger than you and you won't "screw them up." Just keep your eyes focused and return to Him at every turn. His grace is sufficient and now it's time to CELEBRATE for what He's doing in your life!
Love,
Prayerfully Praying in Henderson, KY.
Hey Hopelessly Hopeful,
I too will be praying for you! Yes, I have been there. It is not a great feeling to have, nor great place to be...but God is gracious and does carry us through. I have learned that HOPE is synonymous to TIME...and in HIS time all things are made clear. Keep clinging to HIM! Think back to those Heroes of the Faith as listed in Hebrews 11--I imagine that they had these "hope deferred moments" too...I imagine that they too wondered if "God really said...".
What do I do in when I am in this situation? I try to remember that God's paths are not always smooth and problem free. That there are sometimes mountains and valleys in the journey-- but best of all, he is waiting for me at the end. I also share what I believe God is directing me to do, with my pastors and other Godly spiritual leaders who know me and pray for me, to get their insight on what it is I believe I hear. Sometimes listening to their perspective helps and confirms what I believe God is saying. But more than anything, I look 'inside' for that 'knowing' like the knowing I have that I am 'saved'--then I take those steps of faith, continually praying and trust that He will guide me and/or correct me if I have stepped to soon or in the wrong direction.
Hey Hopelessly Hopeful Hennyfair,
I deal with that all the time. More internally than externally and I think that is why it makes one sick. When I think on the passage; "Three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." I will admit I understnad love to a degree. Faith is very appealing to me. Hope is confusing and I struggle to see it's importance. I mean I know it helps, but to list it with faith and love was always puzzling to me.
There was something I had deep seeded hope for. It was deferred. It made me sick. Hope is VERY powerful. It does have the power to inspire and destory a life. If hope is bent on something God blesses then we often expeience great ellation. If it is misdirected or delayed we find ourselves worn out and dissapointed. At times even angry with God.
I fear hope too! It sounds so funny to say it. Hope should be a good thing. Hope should never be feared. But, I do any way. I try to level with my hope. I use to think if I only hope for heavenly things then no dissapointment will come my way. That is basically a way off slapping God in the face. He wants us to hope for earthly good as well. But I think this is the crux of the issue. It isn't the materalization of what I hoped for that excites me. It is stepping out on that tiny limb of faith and mustering hope when I know I could plummit to the floor. It is trusting that God wants me to hope. So I do it out of obedience. Not out of prize retreival. That's just me. It is how I work. God is my exceeding great reward.
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