It has been quite a busy week so far. Having missed school on Friday I have had tons of grading to make up and my Master's work has been especially time consuming this week. I am happy to report, however, that I am nearly caught up! I'd also like to add that I do most enjoy my Master's studies. However, teaching is a little chaotic right now as the midterm wraps up. Parents have entered their psycho-teachers-are-out-to-get-my-precious-perfect-flawless-child stage. As much as I appreciate parents who are concerned and care, I get a little frustrated with parents who are seemingly blind to the fact that their children are not 100% perfect. Thus, I'm the enemy! Anyway, I shall quit complaining at this point. (Sorry, just had a few too many parent "contacts" in the last three days!)
To give you all an update on my previous days of fasting and prayer.... it was rather interesting and revelatory. But, as stupid as it sounds, I felt I was getting too much info! It seems like God was showing me stuff at such a rapid rate that I sorta freaked out! I had two very vivid dreams and some interesting "insights" as well as some directives as to things I need to do. So, I continue to struggle with obedience in those things. I'm a little freaked out by it all, to be honest. I'm just trusting that God will give me the perfect opportunity to do some things that I really don't want to do but feel that they are essential to some strongholds being broken within my family. *sigh* I just thought this was going to be so simple. And it really is, but my reluctance seems to be making it more difficult. And, you know, I'm almost scared of what will happen when I follow through. I think some things will change in such dramatic ways and I'm not sure how to handle that. I'm so goofy sometimes! I plead with God to do things and then I freak out over Him actually doing it! Silly girl.
Alrighty then, I have more papers to grade. Don't so much wanna but I know I must! Ciao for now!
4 comments:
I was just thinking about what you said...How amazing that your prayer and fasting resulted in the God of the universe speaking to your heart and giving you dreams.
What kept coming to me about all of it, and especially the things that are going to be tough to go through with:
Isn't He worthy of that?
His sufferings and His love are worthy of your life being whole and setting other lives free.
We are to "live lives worthy of His calling." That is huge! And impossible without the grace of the Holy Spirit.
I think you have entered into a tough time but also a time that unlike any other "easier" time in your life can bring a special kind of glory to Him because He is so worthy of it.
"His grace is enough."
regarding your note: Yes, I'd love to see you on Saturday. Let me know when you are free. As of right now, the whole day is open for me. I'm still a little under the weather, but I am feeling better.
In response to Katie....I ask that you just keep me in your prayers. I can't explain the way I'm feeling right now but I've had little rest since about Tuesday. I came up w/ excuses as to why I think that is, but I know the truth is that my spirit is on edge and about to leap into obedience. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff about to dive into a giant body of water. I know the leap will be exhilirating but the unknown part is holding me back. I know I'm going to jump, I've just not got the courage to do so yet. Your words ring true to what I've been feeling. He keeps telling me to think beyond how I feel and quit focusing on the "what ifs" and just trust that MUCH good will come of this. Soon. Soon I will leap but it will be when I quit thinking about it so much. Thanks for your thoughts.
In response to Becky - I'll give you a call on Saturday!
Jenny, I wish you could have heard a word given at my conference this weekend. Josh Hawkins (a worship leader at our church) got up and in tears said something to this affect. Lord, I pray for the young people who don't have fathers and mothers to support the calling on their lives. I rebuke the lies that their callings are foolish. God guard the gifts you have given them. God raise up fathers and mother to bare their burdens and support them.
I think you and I are both dealing with a lot of the same issues. I know my spirit is on edge too. Truth is I am hiding my calling from my family. The truth is my soul is so tender that I can't handle the rejection right now. God is doing some powerful stuff in me. I want them to rejoice with me and witness it. But, I must admit I have hidden from the people who should understand me the most. I was just weeping when Josh was talking. God knows me so well. At times I think that is the most glorious and fearful truth about Him. I love my family and I understand that God in His word says...A prophet is not welcome in his home town. It also speaks about leaving your mother and father to follow God. I am wrestling with what it means to honor them, but at the same time defend my right to serve my king. I could go on and on. But, hopefully we can talk when/if you visit. I will pray for their salvation and I know God will not give you a snake when you ask for a fish. I love that verse.
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