As I shared previously, I’m looking for a new job. But not just a new source of income. A new direction in life. I am not 100% certain what this means, but I do know that it was time for a change in my career or at least a break. Most of the time I am very cool with this and excited to see what the Lord has in store. Then there are moments (even entire days) when it is a bit more difficult to wrap my mind around it all.
It saddens me just a little that I don’t miss teaching like I thought I would. Perhaps a couple of months from now I will. For right now I am just so happy not to be trapped in a classroom with 25 kids hour after hour trying to make them care about science while my real focus has to be more on their disciple and personal needs. I feel liberated……but a bit lost.
Today, I’m having a bit of a tough time with it. Not because I long for my old job but just because I don’t know what lies on the horizon. Or how far off the horizon is. I know God has a plan and that I’m in His will. I’m just growing impatient already. Yes! Already! And it’s only been a couple of months!
Most of all I’m writing this just to say that I was hit with some Truth today. That is, even with all the of the ways the Lord has been working in and through me over the past years to help me realize my true identity in HIM ALONE, I still base it so much on the external things. This is true even of my career. And for most of my life (especially my adult life) I have seen myself as a teacher. So, without a classroom, I feel a like part of my worth is gone. I know this isn’t Truth, but it took a little “down in the dumps” feelings the past couple of days to realize that.
Who I am is not based upon my looks, my relationship status, my mood, my skills, my shortcomings, my experiences, my bank account, or even my job. It is about who I am IN HIM.
I am HiS DAUGHTER. I am HIS BELOVED. I am THE APPLE OF HIS EYE. I am HEIR TO HIS KINGDOM. I am HIS AMBASSADOR. I am HIS.
It’s just so funny to me that no matter how far I grow in Christ, He is ALWAYS pruning me and helping me to know Him more and to know more of who I am in Him. Which means SO much more to Him than what job I have….or don’t have.
2 comments:
Wow, you're right!
It's going to take a lifetime to learn that.
I was just thinking about these things today, because I recently saw a documentary in which people were being interviewed about what they thought their own personal "brand identity" was. And some said that it was based on the clothes they were wearing or the lifestyle image they portrayed.
And I was just like, "THAT IS SO SAD!" Having one's identity in such things, or in the various roles that we have and hats that we wear, will only let us down in the end.
I am not primarily a wife. I am not primarily a mother. I am primarily, as you said, HIS BELOVED. HIS CHILD. HIS FRIEND. HIS PRECIOUS DELIGHT. That is who I am. Everything else has to flow from that.
Thanks for the reminder!
*Like*
Yes, indeed, thanks for the reminder.
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