I had a dream last night. It was really disturbing. In such a way that it has stuck with me all day. I've had that same feeling I had in the dream all day. That is the only reaosn I am writing about it. It will be irrelevant to the rest of you, but I just wanted to get it out.
In the dream my mom had me committed to a rehab type hospital type place. Hm, yet it was sorta like one of those "tough love" camps that parents sometimes send their teens too. I wasn't a teen though, I don't really know what it was all about. Anyway, it was rather prison-like and I was forced to be there and couldn't leave. The people who ran the place were so mean and cruel. There were horrible! We had absolutely no freedom. A rebellious side came out in me and I was very defiant of them and was so enraged that I was stuck in this place. I became like a "ring leader" for defiance and fighting for our rights. Yet it did no good. We had NO freedom. We were told what to do when and how and were reprimanded for doing anything on our own accord. I had never felt that kind of helplessness, anger, or desperation for freedom. I can't articulate it. It was SO intense.
Well, I ended up conspiring with another girl who was also there unjustly. We escaped and at one point while driving, we stopped and got out at a gas station so I could call my mom. I was so paranoid that they were chasing us that I almost had my friend clobber a lady over the head with a large pipe. All the people at the gas station were just looking at us like we were total freaks, and that is exactly how I felt. Like a vulnerable animal running from a predator that could pounce at any moment from any direction. I was so freaked out and afraid, but also angry that my mom would do this to me. I thought it had to be some mistake and that she didn't do this to me, so I was going to call her for help.
I finally got my mom on the phone and she was so calm about it all. She said that she'd noticed that I had some "issues" and that I needed to deal with them. That made me mad! I was upset because instead of talking to me she had me committed to a hospital/prison! I talked to her for a while and was just like, "Why didn't you talk to me? Why didn't you ask me what was wrong? Why didn't you try to help me instead of shipping me off?" Her response was that she knew I had told Joyce Scott (who she has never met in her life) that I was angry about some things, and that was her justification. I just kept asking her, "Why would you do this to me? Why would you put me in that prison? Why wouldn't you just talk to me and care enough to want to know what was going on with me? Why would you make it worse by doing this to me?"
I felt so betrayed and alone and upset and abandoned. It was horrible and that feeling is still lingering. I don't necessarily think it was a "God" dream, but it sure was disturbing. I haven't been able to shake it, but writing it out and telling "someone" has helped. Thanks!
6 comments:
J- Are your dreams usually so vivid--where you can remember details and conversations? Most of the time I don't remember my dreams, but every so often I have one that is so clear and remember every detail!
I've always thought our unconscious/subconscious minds are so fascinating. I mean, we can really come up with some wild things while we're asleep! Dreams are so odd sometimes, I think.
Oh, the amazing ways God made us!
I dream ALL the time and remember many of my dreams. Some are extremely vivid. I do have a lot of "God" dreams where He is revealing things to me. Like, I've had several "prophetic" dreams where the interpretted meaning comes to pass. Lots of times He uses them to show me what my current heart condition is or how to pray for other people. But I've had vivid dreams my whole life. I remember lots of dreams I had back in jr. high and high school even. I think sometimes God does speak to me this way because I don't have any way to filter out my "double mindedness" when I'm "alone". In my unconscious state I can't control what is being spoken to me! That's my thought anyway. :) But, yeah, I dream lots and lots!
interesting... interesting... interesting...
was I your friend in the dream???
As much as I wish you had been the person who nearly clobbered someone with a pipe...no. I actually have no idea who it was. It was just some girl I had met in the place.
That is a wild dream!!! I am like you, I have vivid dreams too...many times they are "God" dreams too...it is amazing how our minds work! I pray that you have a peaceful sleep tonight!
I can also tell you this is the season for dreams. Many people in out Christian circle have begun to share God dreams. We have been praying for it so it is no wonder they are materalizing. I dream a vivid dream almost every night.
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