A Ball Dropped, A Lesson Learned

Sorry this is so long, but I needed to share about what happened today. I really dropped the ball at school today. Really, really, really dropped the ball. I was so disgusted with myself. Here’s the story…

We have been doing a lab the past couple of days in which the kids had to keep their lab sheets from yesterday to finish today. My rule is, “One per customer.” so I would not give them a new one. (I told them all to put them in the folders that are kept in the room so that they won’t lose them! I do everything but take their papers home and sleep with them! This concept is especially important so early in the year, but I’m not writing this to justify my policies.) Well, several did not have theirs and by about ½ through day two of labs I was getting pretty frustrated by the lack of respect and responsibility I was witnessing. (By the class period I’m about to mention I had already removed one kid from lab for jumping on a bathroom scale that then went FLYING across the room and sent him sprawling on the floor. Then someone had broken one piece of equipment and left it in pieces on the floor but no one felt the need to tell me. This with the regular goofball stuff they do had me a bit peeved off. Anyway….)

Well, during one of my morning classes a girl came up to me and informed me she had lost her paper. I was short on patience and started in with my questions, “Well, did you look in your folder? Where should it be? Why isn’t it there? Didn’t I tell you to put it there? Do you think you deserve another one since you lost the first one? Why did you lose the first one?” On and on and on I went. She walked away and then came back and lifted up one of her forearms and asked if she could go to the nurse to get antibiotic cream. Her arm had a bunch of scabbed-over cuts on it. I asked, “Did you get caught in a barbed wire fence?” (That’s actually really common with my kids so it seemed reasonable from what I saw.) She said that it was not but that it was from razor blades. I paused and sent her to the nurse.

Now, remember that I also had 31 other students contending for my attention at this moment and needed to tend to them because, well, I’d end up with other broken equipment or other students jumping on and off of things. Lab days are insane!

Well, when she showed me that and said that I was actually perturbed because my thought was, “She’s just trying to get attention. She’s gone and done that to herself for attention. They’re not deep enough to have been anything serious. She just wants attention and is using it right this minute to make me feel sorry for her even though she’s not doing what she’s supposed to.” Well, she went to the nurse, came back bandaged, did her other assignment that’s due tomorrow while the other kids did lab. By this time I’m really civil and helpful towards her and stuff. You see, I do get irritated and am hard on them at moments, because they are just SO irresponsible and it drives me crazy! But I chill out pretty quickly and then we are all “friends” again. She and I were joking around by the end of class and all was well. Until….

During 6th period I got an email from the guidance office stating that this young lady would be out for at least one week, probably more. That’s when it hit me that it obviously had to do with the razor blade cuts on her arm. I was sure that the nurse had told the office about it and then other things transpired. I made a mental note to go down and talk to the guidance counselor tomorrow to share what had happened in my class (just because it’s usually a good idea to keep the communication open like that). Anyway, that was still during school and I was still contending with 27 kids at that moment and then another 20 the next class so my mind was still in survival mode and not in a reflective mode. (Sixth and 7th periods are just crazy and we’re all lucky if we walk away alive each day!) However, I just woke up from a nap about an hour ago with this girl on my mind. I believe the Holy Spirit was leading my thoughts because this is what my thoughts were, “Yes, she’s just looking for attention. Her cuts were barely scratches. Yeah, there’s a couple in every group. Hm. Wait a minute….she was just looking for attention. She’s a 7th grader who just needs some attention shown to her. Yes, she needed some attention. She trusted me to care. She trusted me enough to share something like that because she needed me to care. She was looking for attention. She was looking for someone to understand that something more is going on in her life and is on her mind than a stupid lab worksheet. I totally failed her. I totally failed her. I yelled at her instead of taking an interest in her. I was more concerned about a stupid lab sheet than a young life in extremely formative years that just needs someone to show her a little attention and care. I dropped the ball on this one.”

I’m not condoning showing positive attention for negative actions (but that’s a whole other topic all together), but I should have acted on this one. I should have questioned and cared more. I can only now pray for her and try to be more attentive and caring for her when she comes back and for the others. The Holy Spirit really did help me through this and I don’t feel condemned by it anymore, but I feel I did just learn a really valuable lesson.

Last year I had several students come and talk to me about such things and I did handle them better. But sometimes it’s just so hard because they take you off guard or you can’t tell how much is them being dramatic 7th graders and how much is real life threatening issues. And, in the case of this girl, it’s just hard to be “with it” when you are also trying to be “with it” for 31 other kids at that moment and you only get 50 craze-filled minutes with them a day in which you’re supposed to teach them science skills, life skills, and be aware of their personal life situations. And that’s just one of 7 classes! Just one of 155 kids I’m responsible for! It’s so hard sometimes! But I think that’s why the Holy Spirit gently woke me up with these thoughts and led me to draw a conclusion for myself about my irresponsibility in this case….rather than being like I was with this young girl today and berating her for her mistake.

It’s been a teachable moment for me for sure. I thank God for His mercy and grace. I thank Him for teaching me what to do next time rather than writing me off altogether. It was a very humbling revelation.