The Process Isn't Always Pretty

A time of reflection....

If I'm going to be honest, it's been a rough week for me. I think the meetings we had last weekend stirred up some things in me. I'm not sure what they are yet but I get the feeling something is being worked on deep inside of me. Plus, where things are in my life...although they are really, really awesome...I'm learning that I have to lay down a lot of my old patterns and ways of thinking and doing things. It is hard! To graciously take advice or to do something someone else's way...even when my way is okay...is not my strong point and an area where I have grown almost pridefully stubborn in.

As all this stuff is being broken up and spewed out of me it isn't always pretty. As gross as it's going to sound, it reminds me of when I'm sick with a chest cold. When I first wake up my lungs are usually full of mucus and it is really hard to breathe. As long as I don't do much it's not too bad but as soon as I start to take steps to face the day I have a hard time breathing, I have little energy, I start coughing, and I sound horrible. However, once I get going it starts to break up. What comes up isn't pretty and it's rather painful to get it out of my lungs, but in the end I always feel much better because all of that junk is out of my lungs and I can breathe and have more energy to go about my day. And if I had left it all to build up in my lungs it is certain that more dire consequences would arise. Getting the mucus out is vital to survival.

That's how I feel about this stuff in my life right now. It's not good...it hurts and is ugly coming out...but I know I'll feel much, much better once it is all dealt with.

In the midst of all this I am so, so, so incredibly thankful for Z. He is so patient and prays for me like no one ever has. When everyone else has had enough of me he still pushes through and listens and allows me to be me but pushes me to get over myself so that I can walk in the freedom that he knows I have in Christ. He is like the hot shower that is catalytic to my lungs clearing on those chest cold mornings! :)(He would hate that I'm blogging about him at all but I can't help myself. I think he's super great and I want you all to know it!) :)